You may have heard that there is not such thing as a Perpetual Motion Machine, that Physics won’t allow for it. I humbly beg to differ – that while it may not be a machine, working on, polishing, exploring areas in which one may be grateful becomes a never ending loop of love, acceptance, and joy.
I’m not going to pretend that this year hasn’t been challenging; there’s been rough times the world over. I’m fortunate enough in that in many ways the pandmeic hasn’t derailed my life entirely. I have health insurance, a good care team, a supportive partner and we have food, shelter and pets. While my heart still aches over euthanizing one of our cats, he was suffering, and that was not acceptable. I’m lucky enough to have a veterinarian who understands that being with Rory and saying good-bye was critical for us.
I have amazing friends, who check in often enough to make me feel part of a community, but not so much that I am smothered. They crack jokes, share their ups, and trust me with their downs, and allow me to do the same. It’s also a kind of litmus test, if someone can’t allow for my boundaries, that’s a good indicator of how close we’ll be. Having boundaries is awesome, and I honestly never expected to have them, and to be as comfortable saying “No” and not feeling the need to explain it all. More to be thankful for.
Oh, my friends… You know, sometimes you don’t know how utterly fantastic some are until you’ve had a 4 hour phone call with them, and only end the call because, well, nature is calling. When you pick up conversations that were left off years ago, and you realize that even though you aren’t the same people you were, your paths have still run parallel. When that one guy gives you a compliment, and you find yourself blushing like the teen you were – it’s lovely. To have the luxury of reconnecting, or in some cases, letting people move on, not because of some big issue, but because your paths have split. Accepting that and being thankful for the time you had is some good stuff.
I have the luxury of being able to “see” my grandkids when we utilize the internet. We connect, and that’s so much nicer than the rare times I spent here and there with my grandparents. It’s not the same, but it’s a damn sight better than nothing. I have unlimited calling so I can have those 4 hour calls without worrying about my bill at the end of the month. I have more ways to connect – calls, text, PMs, IMs and letters – than I ever had before. If that isn’t amazing, I don’t know what is.
Right now I have the luxury of not worrying about work – I’ve had a cough for 2 weeks, but both COVID tests were negative – as was my flu test. We don’t know what’s going on, but I have faith in my care team, and that they’ll figure this out. I’m saddened that I won’t be doing my holiday baking, but I’m thankful this is presenting now rather than after I sent things out that might make others sick. I can always bake in a month. After all, which is more important; being safe or being a traditionalist?
I’m utterly thankful for my husband who not only has held the fort down over the approximately 2 months I was gone this year, but who has been very helpful and thoughtful about doing household things while I’ve felt poorly. He sure doesn’t do them the way I would, but I will take it! I’m in no position to say “Oh, all the forks go in the dishwasher this way”. He asks if I need another dose of TheraFlu, or to get the fire going, do I want to nap, and no – I won’t be doing the litter boxes. He cares and it shows in all the right ways. I’m not going to be dripping in diamonds, but I honestly don’t want to insure the darn things anyway. He gets my jokes. He worries about me. I’ll take that, every time.
I can, and often do, whinge and moan about how rough my life is. It’s malarky. I have a good life, and the more gratitude I feel for the various aspects of it; love, companionship, safety, the more that thankfulness grows. So there you have it, friends. A perpetual motion machine that is fueled by love and gratitude.